This is two.
This. Is. Two.
This is count-down-the-days-to-three two. This is let-me-tell-you-a-story-about-the-grocery-store-trip-we-took-last-week two.
Wednesdays are accounted for. Every single second from sunrise to sunset is taken. We mad dash in the morning to get my oldest to his class in time. This usually means we've either forgotten to brush teeth, comb our hair, or put matching socks on. We kiss him goodbye at the door of his classroom. We can see his the back of his little Christmas reindeer cardigan as he runs to his friends. We run to the car and fight traffic just to be 17 minutes late to my middle kids "school". In reality, it's a mommy and me development class at the local college and truthfully he doesn't play with a damn kid there. But all week he asks me if it's Wednesday and if it's his turn to go to school. So we go. And he ignores everyone and it's equal parts hysterical and adorable.
At noon, we walk back to our car half a mile away because I refuse to pay for a parking pass. Then because it's Wednesday and Wednesday is double deal day at Sprouts, we head to the grocery store. Except it's nap time. And this kid needs a nap. Nuclear-meltdown-needs-a-nap two. So normally I drive slow and then I park at the grocery store and menu plan with my littlest in my lap. He gets a solid 45 in the car which is just enough to tide him over for an early bedtime. But this nap in the car means we have to rush through the store and then rush home with only enough time to put the cold stuff away before we have to go pick up my oldest. So I tried something new. And it failed miserably. I thought if I had him stay awake right after school then he could sleep after grocery shopping and he would be able to take a longer nap and in turn yell at me less.
It did not work that way. He had just fallen asleep as we got to the store. I handed him his canvas bag and got him all riled up to pick out his favorite produce and what sushi we were going to split for lunch. He was fine until he saw the chocolate muffins. He lost his ever loving crap. I tried to distract him. I tried to reason. I tried to get him to breathe with me. I tried to bribe him with a honey crisp apple. He lost it even harder. Epic-battle-cries-lost-it two. The-whole-store-is-looking-at-us two. I’m-debating-on-leaving-the-cart-and-walking-out two. And that's when a very sweet employee came over and asked what was wrong. And he screamed MUFFIN at her like he signs her paychecks. She asked me if he could have one because she would like to buy it. I politely declined and walked to the next aisle. Where an even sweeter employee bent down and asked him what was wrong and tried hand him stickers. He smacked them out of her hand. I thanked her for her kindness but said he just needed some space to work through this. We started with the produce. His favorite part to pick out as he normally chucks apples and bananas in his bag. Except I had to put him in the cart and he was furious that I had picked the wrong ones. So he took them out of the bag and threw them back in the pile. And then he picked the exact same freaking apples and put them back in the bag. At this point, an employee from the deli brought him a cheese slice but he pushed it away and then freaked out when they walked away with it. So they came back and laid it on top of the broccoli and ever so slowly backed away. I went to thank him for his kindness but the words hadn't left my mouth before someone else brought him a cup of fresh fruit. Then he decided he couldn't share the bottom of the cart with anything and started kicking the groceries to one side. He sat in the corner of the cart and ate fruit and sobbed. He was over the worst part. We breathed together as I eyed the wine aisle. I mentally added a massive white wine bottle to the meal plan. We picked out our sushi, we got an extra packet of soy like always for our crunchy roll. We paid. We thanked everyone again and we parked our exhausted bums on the wood pile in front of the store and we ate lunch. He laughed and ate and talked about how much fun it was.
This is two.
This is two.